This is it..

I've been struggling for a while with trying to figure out where it is that the Lord wants me. 

I love my job, I love my co-workers, I love the opportunities that I have, and I don't believe my time is done here by far, but I just don't feel like this is it.  I don't think this is the end for me...but for so long I couldn't get a clear picture of what is it.

I finally got that picture Saturday night.  I don't think I knew it at the time, or even at all Saturday night.  Come Sunday morning, I was so convicted with what I had seen that I KNEW this was it.  This is where I'm supposed to be.

The timing? I'm still leaving all of that up to the Lord.  He'll show me and guide me when He's ready.  And for once, I am going to wait on Him, and wait patiently at that.

What is it that I saw that made me so sure this was it?

Matt and I took the kids to the Atlanta Braves game Saturday night and on our way home, there were so many detours and closed roads due to traffic that we got all turned around and had to take a trip through downtown ATL.  I love the city lights and all of the buildings, but the closer we got to the exit for the Interstate, the more anxious I got.  I wasn't sure why that was happening and I just brushed it off at the time. 

We were sitting at the last red light and I noticed a woman sitting in an outside window.  She was a black woman and was wrapped in what looked like a white sheet.  She had a white man sitting next to her.  He had scraggly hair and the look of being worn down and struggling.  They were smiling and conversing.

I thought nothing of that.

I then noticed the black woman in the window on the inside.  She had something in her arms.  I finally realized she was bouncing a baby.  No sooner than I saw this, I noticed the sign out front...

"Women's and Children's Center"

That's it. No address.

We inched up in traffic enough to get to the next set of windows.  I saw the security guards sitting at a table and still wasn't prepared for what was going to be shown to me.  I looked past them and saw nothing but cots. 

My heart immediately broke.  I'm pretty sure I cried myself to sleep on that ride home.

I was so thankful for my life.  For my precious husband, for my wonderful kids cutting up in the backseat, for the opportunities that my family and I have been blessed to receive, but I couldn't shake that image.

Sunday morning when I woke up, that was the first thing that I saw.  All day long, I struggled not to see it.  It became evident to me throughout the day that I wasn't going to be able to get rid of it.  I was meant to see it. 

I surrendered in that moment.  I cried out to Jesus that if this is where I am needed, if this is it for me, to use me.  Take me, put me where I need to be, make it work.  I'm Yours.

I believe this is it.  Not today, maybe not tomorrow...possibly not even next year, but soon..this is it.  I may not be directly involved with this center, or any center for that matter, but these kids and these women deserve an honest chance and someone willing to help them with that.  I am willing.  Use me, Lord.  I am willing.

I ask you to please join me in my prayer for Jesus to use me and for me to stay patient and surrender to Him in every aspect of life.  I am excited about this as I've always known in my heart that something like this was my calling.  I have always dreamed of running some sort of orphanage or something to that effect.  I want to help these people.  I want to share my blessings and my Jesus' love for them.

This is it... :)

Better late than never...

Right? Isn't that the saying? :)

Sorry I've been out of commission for a while.  We've had a lot going on with softball, baseball (in two different counties might I add), birthday parties, vacations, and work.  Hopefully I'll be able to start updating this ole thing again.  I actually kind of miss it...

We just got back from a 5 day trip to the beach that was absolutely fabulous and when I have more time, I will blog about that and add some pictures, but for now, I've got some eye candy to get you through..

We are working on opening the pool and Sammie loves to swim in it even though it's not completely clear.  And Mahlon, well, he just loves the hosepipe...and tormenting Sammie..

 

..I absolutely LOVE the look on his face..

                                      

..this is where he was torturing her..she hated the feeling of the cold water, but wouldn't move..she just stood there screaming..

I promise I'll be back with more!!

needed this one..

"Believe in yourself and have confidence in who you are as a person."

Someone really special to me said that when I was having a bad day.  I now have it taped to my computer monitor and written almost anywhere visible throughout the day.

I like to tell myself that I have confidence and am proud of myself, but the truth is..

I'm not sure.

But as of today, I am kicking those "people" and "voices" out of my head and my life. 

Here's to renewed belief and self confidence!

Stories in a picture..

I am one of those people that absolutely loves photography.  I not only want to find the beauty in something and capture it forever, I want to find the story in it as well.

With some of the things that I am going through with my life, I have become more alert about things going on around me and am reading more into things than I would normally.  I have noticed that I am beginning to see the stories in things and have even began applying them to my own life.

For example:

                                                                     Photo courtesy of the awesome Kim Jones.

Kimmie took this photo on a recent trip to Gatlinburg and while she joked about not being able to get the couple out of her shot, I found a story in the couple being there. 

Maybe the Lord did this on purpose.... 

maybe not...

but I like to think that He did.

The story that I see in this photograph is that the couple has broken through the fence from being friends to becoming newly united (dating or married, it doesn't matter).  

There they stand in the open field of life. 

Smooth sailing for a while and then they hit the mountains...

My mind only wonders what they would be like on the other side of all of those mountains.

Will they make it across the steep points into the valleys feeling as if it was all over just to climb another mountain.  Will they tire of having to climb all of these mountains and will they tire of having all of the emotions of feeling like everything is smooth and then it's not.  Or will they be happy having to fight for their relationship.  Will they, in the end, make it?

I encourage you to not only see the beauty in a wonderful picture, but search for that story as well.

Prayers....

There are several people in my family that could use some prayers...including myself.

I won't go into detail about each of our problems (and some aren't even problems) I'll just ask that you keep my family in your prayers, but I will tell you our major request...

my brother...

Josh...

as many of you know, he's one of my best friends and I wouldn't know what to do without him.

He and his family are getting prepared for him to deploy.  Not only his immediate family, but our entire family is preparing for this one.  We are unaware of where he's going, other than "over there". 

I have never been worried or upset about any of his deployments...even his 3 or 4 to Iraq...but for some reason, this one is taking its toll on me.  I know that he loves what he's doing and that this is what he was made for, but it's hard to let him go. (Not that we have a choice in the matter, but you know what I mean.)

I am requesting that everyone reading this pray Psalm 91 over him while he is gone.  That is the book and chapter that my mom and I have adopted for our family.  If you do not know it, I will include it here...

1  "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

     will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2  "I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress,

      my God, in whom I trust."

3    Surely He will save you

      from the fowler's snare

      and from the deadly pestilence.

4    He will cover you with his feathers,

      and under his wings you will find refuge; 

      his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5    You will not fear the terror of night,

      nor the arrow that flies by day,

6    nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

      nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7   A thousand may fall at your side,

      ten thousand at your right hand,

      but it will not come near you.

8    You will only observe with your eyes

      and see the punishment of the wicked.

9    If you say, “The LORD is my refuge,”

     and you make the Most High your dwelling,

10 no harm will overtake you,

     no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you

     to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands,

     so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;

     you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;

       I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15   He will call on me, and I will answer him;

       I will be with him in trouble,

       I will deliver him and honor him.

16 With long life I will satisfy him

      and show him my salvation.”

I have memorized it and believe it.  My mother bought me a book for Christmas with the title Psalm 91 and it's a compilation of stories told by soldiers and their families where this chapter has saved them.  So, please, please, pray this over my family and my wonderful brother.

Thank you!

Happy Birthday...

to my oldest little brother, Caleb Daniel. 

Or as he is affectionately known in our family, Cable.  My grandaddy started that (on accident I think), but it's stuck and I'm pretty sure he doesn't mind it.  At least not yet :).

Caleb was born a week to the day before I turned 14.  He's turning 10 today, which actually makes me feel a little old.  I can only imagine how my daddy feels.  (hahahaha.. I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist! :) I love you, daddy!)

This boy is one of the smartest, outgoing, and loving kids that I know.  I look forward to getting to watch him grow up close to me and my kids.  He is so good with Sammie and she absolutely adores her "Uncle Caleb".

I can't wait to see what the Lord is going to do with his life. 

I am so thankful that I get to call him (and my other 2), my brother.

I love you Caleb Daniel Patton.  Happy birthday!

to my mommie...

I miss you.

I don't know what triggered them, but I just had a flood of memories that made me really miss my time with my mommie. 

I have special memories from my childhood through now that I cherish with her, but I am talking specifically about our time we had about 6 years ago when it was just me and her living together.  My brother was living with us too, when he was home on leave, but most of the time, it was just me and her and I miss those days.

I miss going to the store with her.  I miss driving down to Downey Drugs and having lunch with her just because I wanted to.  I miss our Friday night dinners we had together at Logan's, Top O The River (remember the night that waiter hit on you? :)), and Jefferson's.  I miss her waking me up in the mornings for school.  I miss her being there when I got home in the evenings...ok, sometimes in the middle of the night :).  I miss sharing her makeup, deodorant, toothpaste, and shampoo. Yes, I miss the little things.

And as I'm getting ready to take Sammie on our first ever girls trip to the beach, I am missing our trip that we took to Panama City Beach for the 4th of July in 2005.  Her sisters and their families were already down there and we drove down, just the two of us (well, 3 if you count Sammie in my belly), and met them.  We had talks, we told jokes and laughed, she drove while I slept, and we enjoyed the company.

I guess I just miss being the daughter.  I am still her daughter and forever will be, but now I am much more than that.

I am a mother..

a wife..

a provider..

and the sharer of makeup, deodorant, toothpaste, and shampoo.. 

I do not wish my children's lives away, but I do admit that I look forward to Sammie getting older and being able to do the things that I loved doing with my mom.

I love you so much mommie.  I miss you and am looking forward to another weekend with my family and Grammie. :)